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      09-19-2019, 08:07 AM   #4632
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Originally Posted by MaximusJ View Post
I was about to talk to someone about my current situation; but if i'm about to pay someone I dont know to get his opinion, why not try it here first. So here we go. Sorry in advance if that's a lot of information in one post; but i'm laying things down on the table as I see them.

I think i'm caught in a dating spiral. I'm out of a 10 years relationship for almost a year and a half now; after a couple years living together while it was officially over. Since then, i've got a few interesting dates, but every time a "girlfriend material" date happens, it never works out both ways. Long story short, when I'm into someone, its never reciprocal. I've saw some of those that I was considering "average / Lets see what happens" a few times, sometimes even starting something that starts like a relationship; only to realize a few weeks in that "I could do better"; and opting out of this semi-relationship. Not that I want to play games, or get what I could then run; but I feel that my mind is sometimes ready to "settle" on my available options and once it's going on, I change my mind and prefer to be patient; hoping that the right one will eventually show up. I'm caught in this spiral for almost a year now.

I know I do stuff that scares people away, but i'm working on it. When there's a strong connection pre-date, I get exited easily, anticipate a lot and I kinda prefer to being exited easily compared to be bored of it and think I already know where this will go.

Mind you, Except from that, I think I'm a very decent guy to date. I threat women well, I am not an asshole or a douche. Average looks; but a bit on the good side; good and decent paying job, great values, family guy, man of his word, not too intrusive, I respect boundaries, very respectful and I never do to others what I dont like being done to me; but I have to admit I got a good 20 pounds to lose (My ideal weight for my size is 195 pounds). But I think I wear that weight ok; still. I am sure that the right one, the last one, is right around the corner, but that will to chase the dream date/relationship makes me skip on people that cares a lot about me. This habit is kinda killing my fun of dating because right now i'm running in circles. I am ready to commit, but not in a rush either; but speaking to people that plays the game is kinda grinding my gears; so to say.

So all this comes to two questions; how do you avoid the "settling" situation. To me it's hard because I know you cant find the complete package somewhere; they're mostly all married with 12 kids, you have to lose some to get some. But every time I end up in a similar situation, I focus on the bad and forget the good. So I end up refusing to settle.

And the second one would be; in a dating world where if you dont text first, you dont get anything in return, how can you stop chasing? The dating sites here looks like there's 3 guys for every single gal available. I sometimes feel like if you dont chase, you already lost; how do you guys do it? I hate to push and chase, but sometimes that's the only way you'll end up with a solid date.

Thanks for reading this; and also for your kind thoughts about my situation. I think that if I dont change anything, I will be in that same situation 5 years from now. I feel like I deserve more from this dating situation.
Sounds like you might have FOMO aka grass is always greener on the other side...till you get there. You might have unrealistic expectations
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